a post on divorce and marriage

I come from a family of divorce.  Every couple on my father’s side of the family is now divorced, including my own parents. Presently, the only married people are me and my cousin Melissa who was married shortly after me.  I grew up knowing my grandparents weren’t married anymore and saw the rest of the marriages end too.  It’s been almost 10 years since my own father packed his stuff and moved out.  I was fourteen and starting high school but that’s pretty much all I remember.  The time before that is mostly a blur, which is sad because I want to remember happy family times.  I fully understood why my dad was leaving and I knew more details than any fourteen year old should.  Of course I was upset that my parent’s marriage was ending (we were down to 2 marriages in the family, including them), but not once did I give up on love.  I knew that my future didn’t have to be like theirs. I was so determined to be different…to find someone to marry and love for the rest of my life.  I was convinced that every guy I liked and hung out with could be The One, but I didn’t know much as a teenager.  None of those pseudo relationships had any depth or love, but I thought otherwise.  I was convinced I’d marry them at the time.

After an attempted long distance relationship ended terribly (why did I think the 4000 km distance wouldn’t be a problem?) I decided to stop looking for love.

 I had given up on finding the right person , and once I finally stopped looking, he found me.

Through school I met the person who is now my husband.  We started off as friends and quickly became more.  After 2 and a half years of dating David proposed and we were married on October 28, 2012.

There were times early in our relationship that I thought he would break up with me.  I mean, who would want a girl from a broken home?  And who was clingy and obsessive.  I thought we’d last a few months and then part ways.  I even said something like “We should go see that movie when it comes out if we are still together then”…but David told me he always knew that we would last.  When I made the movie comment he assured me we would be together then and I just shrugged it off.  I didn’t want to get too emotionally invested in case he woke up one day and realized I was damaged goods.  But he proved me wrong, time and time again.  After about 4 months of dating I knew he was The One.  Within 6 months we were talking marriage…I went so far as to ask David if he planned on marrying me one day (he said yes!).  For our 1 year dating anniversary he gave me a hand carved promise ring.  The ring was made from a piece of soapstone he saved from the first time we met.  I wore it every day until he gave me an engagement ring, and I tied it to my wedding bouquet.

After my dad left I became so determined not to end up like my parents and every other relative in my family. I wanted a marriage and I thought I deserved one.  It became my life goal to be different from my family and to prove to them and myself that marriages can last.  I refused to let the mistakes of my family become mine too.
 I knew that marriage is a decision not to be made lightly and that sometimes it can be hard.  I knew that no child should have to divide their time between each parent’s house.  I knew that true love existed and I was going to find it.  Then I’d hold on for dear life and never let go.  I’d get married and have the marriage I knew I could.  If things got tough I’d fight for us and our marriage.  I wouldn’t give up or walk out.  After so many years of heartache I found the one made for me.  I married him and life is grand.
We had a song played at our wedding that sums up my whole views on love and marriage and the lyrics are really powerful and thought provoking.  It was important to me to play this song so that everyone at our wedding would know that I’m not ever giving up.  I’m determined to have a long, loving marriage.  It’s been just over a year and I know I’m getting everything I ever wanted.


About Christina

20-something; rural dwelling; wife to David; homeowner; pretty good cook; wearer of skirts; friend to all cats.

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