Recently I wrote a review for a book that addresses fear fighting, and I ultimately decided that the book was not for me. While I may not have been the target audience, since I have successfully already conquered fear in my own life, I still wanted to see what the book says so that I could recommend it to others. But since I didn’t enjoy the book, I thought I should just write about my own experience.
This is something I toyed with for a while, but avoided talking about it because I was embarrassed. You see, my fear was crippling, irrational, and a sin straight from hell. I thought I must be insane for being so afraid, and I didn’t even share my fear with David until recently, when it somehow came up in conversation. My fear was being home alone. Yes, I was afraid to be at home without my husband. Why? Well, that takes a bit of explaining.
Growing up with two younger brothers, a mom who stayed home, and a grandparent living with us, I was never alone (much to my dismay, I admit!). Even when my dad moved out and my mom worked full time, my grandfather was an adult presence in the house, and I had my younger brothers for company. I lived in the same home for about 15 years and I knew the area like the back of my hand. But when David and I got married and bought our home, I was living in a town I previously didn’t even know existed, with nobody I knew nearby, and my wild imagination had a field day. For some reason, I was convinced that there would be a stranger waiting for me in the house when I got back after doing errands. If David wasn’t home I would keep my coat and shoes on, have my phone handy to call 911, and keep my car keys in my hand, as I went from room to room, opening each door and checking all spaces. Once I did my check of the house, I could somewhat relax until David returned. But every noise made me jump. When I walked a few hundred feet to the mailbox I would lock the door behind me and take my keys and cell phone, just in case someone had entered the house while my back was turned.
This all sounds ridiculous, but it was something I lived with for months. I was literally afraid of my own home. I was also so ashamed of this fear that I kept it from David and wouldn’t allow him to help me defeat it.
I finally realized that I couldn’t go on living this way, and I began to see that my fear was a terrible sin. I doubted God’s goodness, protection, and overall concern for my well-being, and made my fear the thing that controlled my every thought and move. Instead, I should recognized my fear as being a way for the devil to draw me away from God. When I focussed on my own efforts to soothe myself (by doing a visual inspection of every part of the house) it was as if I was telling god that I didn’t trust Him to keep me safe. I am a child of a loving Father, so I have nothing to fear!
The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1
I should have been claiming this verse as my own the moment I stepped foot into my house with a fearful spirit! When I finally did realize that the key to fighting my fear was in God’s Word, I began seeking out verses. This list has a great number of helpful passages that can be memorized to help fight fear in your own life. I highly recommend you read through them, and write them out if you have to until you memorize them and believe what God promises us! Having those scriptures in your memory can also provide something to focus on instead of fear, when you find yourself in a situation where you are becoming afraid.
Another thing that helped me fight my fear was this amazing song by Chris Tomlin. I heard it on the radio and felt like God was playing it just for me at the exact time I needed it most. I listened to this song on repeat until I had it memorized, and then claimed it as my battle cry. I would sing it to myself whenever I felt a wave of fear, and I visualized God and an army of angels surrounding me. That image made me realize how small my fears were compared to that power.
In hindsight I wish I HAD shared my fears with David, because he could have helped me realize it was unfounded. He could have supported me so I wouldn’t have to fight my fears alone, but instead I kept it all hidden and silently suffered for too long. If you are fighting any kind of fear, know that there is no shame in admitting it. I urge you to confide in a trusted family member, friend, or Pastor, because they can surround you in prayer and you can feel peace knowing that someone else is also petitioning God to help you fight that battle.
I keep using the word fear because that is what I suffered from. I was not anxious or worried, but I was genuinely afraid. If you are currently struggling with any type of unease, be it fear, anxiety, worry, etc, I want to encourage you that you CAN overcome it! All it takes is a faith and trust in our Almighty God, and the promises He has made us in His Word.